Category: Humor
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The Night Croaker
A frog was croaking off in the distance,As I was trying to sleep, it went on with persistence.Whether warding off foes or calling his mate,He grew quite annoying because it was so late. Normally such natural, nocturnal soundsCan be somewhat lulling when it comes from your grounds.But not when you’re just about to doze offAfter…
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Falling Rock
Riding through the mountainsWhen I was but a small child,Watching all the sites go by,My eyes would become beguiled. I loved the tall green forest,The dark tunnels we rode through,The Smokey Mountain skies of mistThe sparkling streams of crystal blue. But one sign always bothered me,Watch Out For Falling Rock it read.So, I vigilantly stayed…
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Creative Interruptions
Late at night when I’m ready to relax,I put down my phone, so I’m not side-tracked.I sit down to stream my favorite show,But soon my mind is on the goOf ideas for poems that I could write.Coming up with the rest sometimes takes all night.And just when I hit the remote to continue,Another rhyme occurs…
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How You Look At It
They say there’s more than one way to skin a cat,But why the heck would you want to do that? They say the early bird catches the worm,But the poor early wiggler may have a short term. They say don’t count your chickens before they hatch,But what if you wanted breakfast as your morning catch.…
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Turkey, Not Just for Thanksgiving Anymore
Of all the birds, I love to eatThe turkey is my favorite.It really has such scrumptious meat.Oh, how I love to savor it. When I was young, the only timeI ever could enjoy this birdWas ‘round Thanksgiving’s Day to dine,Which really seemed to be absurd. I could eat it every ThursdayNot only on Thanksgiving.If, of…
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Blind Mice
Another childhood favorite – written at age 12 Three blind mice went to sit on a tack, One named John and the other named Jack. Barthalomule, the third, was devoured by a bird. The second one, Jack, was devoured by a cat. The first one, John, didn’t get along. So he moved away, all the…
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A Problem Like Oxford
How do you solve a problem Like Oxford? How do keep his claws Upon the ground? And how do you delay His biting teeth away? How do you have peace When he’s around? How do you solve a problem Like Oxford? How do you keep your bathroom Safe and sound?
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Obsession with Poe
Edgar Allen Poe, man of tragedy,Sadness from childhood to maturity.A life imitated by gripping art;A soul who comes up with The Tell Tale HeartAnd My Beautiful Annabellee. A cat all black and full of mystery,Whimsical, light-hearted, and fancy free,With sharp claws that scratch and tear things apart,With such personality, it would confound Descartes.Edgar Allen Poe…
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Little Wish
Another childhood favorite written at age 12. I had a little wishTo own a little fishThat would swishAnd swish and swish.
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Teddy Bears
In honor of World Bear Day Written at age 12 in the hospital surrounded by my favorite gift, stuffed teddy bears to keep me company. Teddy bears have no cares.Teddy bears make no dares.Teddy bears are often mute.Teddy bears are, oh, so cute. Teddy bears never lie.Teddy bears never die.Teddy bears never hurry.Teddy bears are…
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Calleen Mc Dugal
The seventeenth in the McLimerick Series Young Calleen McDugal often was frugalWith the chicken that she bought each week.There was only one part she would put in her cart,Not the leg, nor the thigh, but the cheek.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Carly McCurdle
The sixteenth in the McLimerick Series Young Carly McCurdle thought she needed a girdleTo make herself slim at the waste.Her fiancé greatly sighed and just had to confide,Full-figured was more to his taste.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Sean McShamus
Young Sean McShamus was not very famous,But desperately wanted to be.He bought a new camera to show off his stamina,But fright kept on knocking his knees. The fifteenth in the McLimerick Series.
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Don’t Drink and Jig
He danced a dance with vim and vig.The music played throughout the night.An Irishman did dance a jig. Between each round, he’d take a swigOf that good stuff they call white light.He danced his dance with vim and vig. He danced so fast he lost his wig;He drank so much it blurred his sight.An Irishman…
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Dotty McCartle
The fourteenth in the McLimerick Series Young Dotty McCartle often would startleWhen fireworks started to boom.While others elated and loudly celebrated,Dotty shut herself up in her room.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Paddy McBain
The thirteenth in the McLimerick Series Old Paddy McBain slowly walked with a caneEverywhere he went throughout town.As a rule of thumb, he always padded his bumJust in case he ever fell down.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Quinn McCrumpet
The twelfth in the McLimerick Series Old Quinn McCrumpet learned to play the trumpet.He played for both pleasure and tip.Playing all Christmas Eve without a reprieve,He was gifted a king size lip.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Winnie McHara
The eleventh in the McLimerick Series Old Winnie McHara proudly wore her tiaraOn her head wherever she went.It wasn’t that royal; it was just made of foilAnd quite often it would become bent.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Patty McDaniel
The ninth in the McLimerick Series Young Patty McDaniel needed a manualFor every little thing that she did.With the stork on the way, to her dismayOne doesn’t accompany a kid.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Shamus McEnnis
The eighth in the McLimerick Series Young Shamus McEnnis loved to play tennis,Although he wasn’t that good at sports.He’d jump over the net, the ball to getAnd end up splitting his shorts.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Ian McConnell
The seventh in the McLimerick Series Young Ian McConnell loved Rosie O’DonnellOnly to find out she didn’t like him.To be greatly sought, why would anyone not!Now, surely that must be a sin.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Lucy McSimmons
The sixth in the McLimerick Series Old Lucy McSimmons only ate lemonsWhich made her pucker and wince.With her sour appearance, all gave her wide clearance,So now she’ll only eat quince.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Thomas McLeary
The fifth in the McLimerick Series Old Thomas McLeary grew tired and wearyOf hearing his wife prattle on.He stood on the floor, walked out of the door,And continued until he was gone.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Ginny McTuttle
The fourth in the McLimerick Series Old Ginny McTuttle was not very subtleWhen discussing her opinions of youth.Their faces to pasted, her advice always wastedOn ears that don’t like the pure truth.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Michael McBrady
The third in the McLimerick Series Young Michael McBrady met a fine ladyWhile swimming nude in a lake.He asked her to marry, and live on the prairie.She dunked him and called him a rake.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Sally McTavish
The second in the McLimerick Series Young Sally McTavish often did lavishHer youngins with candy and gum.When belly aches occurred, it was often conferredThat she wasn’t the greatest of mums.
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The Townsfolk of McLimerick: Nigel McDugal
The first in the The McLimerick Series Old Nigel McDugal had a grand funeralAnd all of his friends did doubt.When asked how he died, the minister sighedAnd said he had finally wore out.
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Piano Dancing
Since my legs won’t move, I let my fingers do my dancingOver the keys, stroking and romancing. With a jump and a kick and a staccato beat,I let my fingers emulate my feet!With a slide and a stretch across the ivory,My hands just glide in all their finery.With a jig and a bounce across the…
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One Rainy Night(A True Story)
Driving in a sleet of rainOne night while out with friends,I oversteered to avoid debrisCausing wild three sixty spins. I tried to take back control,But I soon ran out of luck.The median came swiftly,And so did the semi-truck! I managed to stop quicklyRight before we horribly collided.“I think now, someone else should drive,”I shakingly confided.…
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How Many Times
How many times mustAnd elephant sneezeBefore he falls downOn his elephant knees. How many times mustA hyena laughBefore he splits his sidesIn hyena halves. How many times mustA gorilla playThe drums on his chestBefore you’ll run away. How many times mustA kitty cat lapUp all his milkBefore his kitty cat nap. How many times mustA…
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The “If I Were…” Poems
If you were an appleAnd I were a tree,Would you likeTo hang on me? If you were the lampAnd I were the light,Would are loveBe very bright? If you were the shipAnd I were the sea,Would you likeTo sail on me? If I were the footAnd you were the shoe,Could I gentlySlip into you? If…
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Ain’t Love Grand
Ain’t love grand when it first begins,Trying to avoid all kinds of sins, Trying to hold on to what you’ve got,Living each day with your stomach in knots, Being together, wanting more and more,The time apart becomes quit a chore. Emotions you thought you could never have had,Run wild in you, both the good and…
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What comes out of your Mouth When everything Goes South
(A True Story) Following a large truck one dayAs I was going to a meeting,To claim a minor accident,The sun was hotly beating. The car late last night, I didn’t seeAs it flew around a corner.I pulled out in time to hit his back.The man was such a scorner. “I’m very late for my party,”…
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Fits and Sneezes
Early in the morning when the sun comes up,I spring out of bed, and I feed my pup.I open the window for an early breeze,And out of my nose shoots a massive sneeze. I close the window and cross to the door,And on my way over, shoot a dozen more.I grab a few tissues, and…
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A Not So Practical Joke
This was written in a time when teenagers did not have cell phones glued to their hips, in a time when most households only had one phone and it was placed either in the kitchen or in the entry hall, maybe beside the coat closet in which I picture little Lizzy whispering in the dark.…
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Friskie, the Cat Trilogy
I wrote these three poems when I was a young teenager for my Calico cat named Friskie. They still remain to be some of my favorite poems that I have written sentimentally. Shortly after I wrote them, they appeared in the National Shut In Society booklet, a circulation for people who can not leave their…
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Lady Under the Sea
There was an old lady who lived under the sea.She lived in the coral with an anemone. Dining on kale leaves and green algae tea,She wore a fine boa of Irish seaweed. She played with the dolphins and swam with such glee.On the backs of sea turtles, she salt water-skied. Befriending the sharks, she had…
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The Collection
I have a collectionOf stuff on my shelf,From my selection,All by myself. The collection is small,But the content is great.To add another piece,I just can’t wait. But what does it do,You may ask yourself?Why, all it does isJust sit on my shelf. I might, one dayGive it all away.
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The Thing That’s Wrong with Peas
I wish peas were square,Then they wouldn’t roll off everywhere.They’re sweet and deliciousBut the rolling’s quite vicious,When you find most of them under your chair! They won’t stay on your fork.They won’t even stay on your plate.To be mushed on the groundEven if they’re ever foundSeems to be their inevitable fate. Maybe there is some…
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Ask Why
Before you Complain,Ask why.If your rejected,Ask why.If someone wrongs you,Ask why.Before you act, speak, or respond,Ask why.Before you tell your child to stop asking why,Ask why! When I was little, my favorite word was “why”. I would ask my Dad many times throughout the day, “why?” He would answer every time and I learned a…
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It Never Seems Quite Fair
Late at night, when the moods just right, And the air is hot and dry, This is the hour that I take my shower, And never do I ask why. Besides the fact that it’s a humanly act, And it takes away any smell, It’s fresh to my senses, my body it cleanses, And it’s…